The Handbook
The Handbook

Remember when we were all worried about Brexit? And it was all really scary? And then we were worried about COVID, and that was really really scary? Well now we’re worried about Brexit AND Covid and that’s, well, enough; I’m going to find some of the cheeriest news I can…

From geese wearing nappies to funny pictures of dogs and a hapless Brazilian senator, here are some of the good news stories we managed to trawl off the internet…

They’ve discovered a 120ft cat in the desert

Sitting alongside Peru’s Pan-American Highway, archeologists have discovered a massive, ancient, poorly drawn cat. The toddler-style scribblings were writ-large about 2,000 years ago and although by any objective opinion look decidedly sh*t, Peru’s Culture Ministry have stepped in to help save the etching for the nation after spotting it using a drone.

Meow that’s good news…

#UnflatteringDogPhotoChallenge is a thing

From cats to dogs, Twitter today is awash with images of man’s best friend looking foolish. Cue thousands of hilarious dog photos and a chance to for once share something with strangers that’s not a deadly pandemic particles.

 

A chance to for once share something with strangers that's not a deadly pandemic particles...

You can spend hours enjoying these (I did, it broke my productivity for the day) or why not upload your own?

Looking dog-damn-great…

Whale doesn’t get eaten by crocodiles!

Remember that humpback whale in Australia that ventured up the East Alligator River in the Australia’s Kakadu National Park? It’s escaped!

Feeling like the perfect metaphor for all of us going in 2020, oblivious and naive, the whale ended up paddling 18 miles inland while the crocs sat and watched.

But unlike 2020, the whale has now been spotted back out to sea!

Crocodile Dun-good…

Brazilian Senator caught with £4,000 in his underpants

One of the first things they teach you at police school that there’s almost never a legit reason to stuff £4,000 down your Y-fronts. Which is why when Brazilian Senator Chico Rodrigues was spotted with a a ‘large, rectangular bulge’ in his smalls, he was challenged.

Police had called on Mr Rodrigues, a close ally of Brazil’s own mini-Trump, President Bolsonaro, suspecting him of misappropriating COVID-19 funds. Guess where he was misappropriating them to?

Having found £4,650 in a safe, Rodrigues asked officers if he could visit the bathroom. When the cops spotted the ‘bulge’ he produced stacks of money (nearly £2,000) from ‘near his buttocks’.

Police then asked him again and again if he had any more cash down his pants, each time the senator “angrily shoved his hand into his underwear” to produce more and more cash, totalling £2,500.

A later search turned up another £35. The mind boggles where it must’ve been to evade three earlier searches.

Don’t show me the money!

Ben off of CBeebies teaching kids about being mixed race

CBeebies presenter Ben Cajee took a moment to educate children about being mixed race, and did so in the most gentle yet effective way possible.

The 33 year old explained that he gets his dark hair and ‘bendy toe’ from his father, and his smile and punctuality from his mother.

He continued, explaining ‘Sometimes people have been unkind about what I look like and the colour of my skin, but I try and forget about those people and instead, focus on the people who are there for me and who supported me.’

Concluding that it’s ‘really important to be kind’ the short feature has melted hearts across the internet, and more importantly gives children a great role model.

Man takes his geese to the pub (wearing nappies)

Mine’ll be a pint of Guiness, and a half for the goose… A Lincolnshire man called Sven takes his two pet geese to the pub wearing nappies (the geese are wearing the nappies, not him) and people are pretending it’s all normal.

The ultimate rebound, Sven bought Norbert and Beep Beep when he broke up with his girlfriend last year and while he’s (funnily enough) still single, he doesn’t lack company as he takes the birds with him everywhere.

In case you’re wondering, the nappies are ordered in specially from America (where else).

Pretty fowl, eh?

Geek Shop Opens 100 Stores!

How my life would’ve been different had I been a teenager in a world where wearing glasses and being vaguely academic wasn’t seen as a reason for social ostracisation. Nowadays geeks rule, and they even have their own shop, Geek Retreat, and against all the other news about retail, it’s expanding!

The shop, that sells all sorts of geeky tat (Pokemon, magic tricks, action figures and memorabilia) has announced that it’ll open 100 new stores across the UK.

Geek, c’est chic…

The ultimate asbestos removal

Getting rid of asbestos is the bane of the construction industry, if only they could do what this town in Quebec just did.

The home of the world’s largest Asbestos mine, naming the town Asbestos must’ve seemed like a no-brainer. But when the fireproof material was also revealed to be one of the most deadly products known to man, the name sorta started to grate.

Which is why they’ve just renamed the town ‘Val-des-Sources’.

If you’ve noticed that we’re sort of scraping the barrel with these suggestions, you’d be right. There aren’t even ten! It’s bloody bleak out there. If you’ve got any good news, even if you’re a PR flogging something spurious, please get in touch, we really need a laugh, to [email protected].


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