It was so romantic here I would’ve proposed if I wasn’t with my Mother. The dim lights and views of London Bridge made my heart swoon in a way that no man ever has. For a second I considered proposing to myself but then realised that society just wasn’t ready for this. They’ve barely cottoned onto the whole gay marriage thing. Idiots.

The staff were fantastic here. Our waiter was from Egypt and should’ve been in comedy. This man here knew the craic. He was more of a banter tender than a bartender…round of applause? It was a delight to be a part of their soirée for the evening. Maybe I should’ve proposed to him? Maybe I did…

For starters I had the Brixham crab on toast. This was probably the best crab I’ve ever had. I would consider Sebastian from The Little Mermaid one of my favourite childhood friends but if I ever thought he was going to taste as good as this I would have had no trouble plunging him in the cooks pot ten years ago. Goodbye Sebastian, old buddy, old pal.

My companion for the evening had the prawn cocktail. When it came down I tried to work out if the iceberg lettuce let this dish down. This is 2015, year of the over inflated superfood, where was the iron clad spinach for all the fitness freaks?  In the end I decided their focus on the succulent prawns over the lettuce was a good shout. It was juicy and crunchy and supplied me with regular old vitamin D. Who needs flavonoids when prawns taste this good?

The suckling pig came with apple sauce, and gravy.  Ahhh that suckling pig. The outside was beautiful and crispy. A delight to look at but to be honest the middle of the joint was veined with too much fat for my taste. Mr Porky here had been ignoring the dietary guidelines and had ended up dead. It turns out he wanted me to do the same. No sir-ee Mr Porky. The few mouthfuls that filled me up tasted fantastic tho. While this wasn’t my thing I could appreciate the dish was well cooked.

The fillet steak that had been hung for 28 days was perfect. God bless him. But he was delicious. I’m not usually a sadist but I was glad this beefcake could no longer mooo-ve. 

This was accompanied by the triple cooked chips which were slightly dry and maybe should only have been double cooked. A triple threat isn’t always the best thing. My brother and I learned this lesson when my Mother gave birth to my sister. Both cases were irreversible. Pity.

The chocolate pot with jersey double cream was really something else especially when paired with the Warres Optima 10yr tawny port. As the saying goes a moment on the hips and a lifetime on the hips. I was quite happy to harbour this chocolatey treat for a life time on my hips. Me and that chocolate pot are one now. We are together. I’ve thought about it every day since. Maybe we can meet again? Was it appropriate to propose to this chocolatey goodness? Probably not out loud but I did so in my head.

Butler’s Wharf Chop House is one of the places that makes you grateful vegetarianism isn’t a religion. Butler’s Wharf Chophouse is the reason people eat meat. Butler’s Wharf Chop House is where you need to be. Forget Miliband, Farage and Cameron. In with Butler’s Wharf Chop House out with the rest. Can we vote from them?