The Night I Went Dogging

The Night I Went Dogging

Borrow a dog they said, it’ll be fun they said…

OK, in all fairness I don’t want to lace this story with too much cynicism, but If you’d had my Borrow My Doggy experience, maybe you’d become somewhat of a sceptic too. For those lesser informed, Borrow My Doggy is an app that’s as much as a must-have as a chihuahua laden with pink jewellery tucked into a handbag was, circa Paris Hilton in her prime! So, I decided to download it. It wasn’t that I particularly wanted to pick up dog s**t, or watch as the lead became lose and the little scruff runs off in a very “FENTONNNN, FENTOONNNNN” way (if you haven’t watched that YouTube craze, you should).

So you basically punch in your details; name, a small bio and, in essence, whether you’re normal enough to walk a dog without kidnapping it. This done, I began to scroll for dogs in my vicinity, like the Tinder of the pet world. Thumbing past various dachshund’s and weirdly dressed poodles, I came across a husky. Now, huskies are quite good looking dogs and I weighed up the option of a) walking a small dog and finding my Borrow My Doggy feet – the sensible option – or b) walking two silver furred, bright-blued eyed huskies and whacking a couple of photos on Insta, with a caption along the lines of  ‘Me ‘n my direwolves’. Of course, I opted for the latter in the knowledge that it would be pretty cool to walk a couple of huskies, or so I thought.

Ghost and Quine were their names; my proposed huskies. A few messages back and forth to the owner later and a date was arranged. Everything seemed pretty straight forward, until the walk to the owner’s house where I began to think what the flip (for use of a better word) am I doing? However, filled with anticipation to meet the huskies I’d be walking I wrapped on the door and out bounded the first husky and… something so small that I genuinely thought a piece of fluff had flown out of the door as a result of the breeze. One horrific minute later however, I discovered the piece of fluff (aka a white Pomeranian the size of a small child’s sock) was what I would be also walking…

Realising I’d been suitably shortchanged, having been promised two huskies online (and in the photos), I considered walking away and pretending I had some mysteriously rapid illness. Suffice to say, I stayed.

Sheepishly I took both leads in my hand, nightmare 1. The second disaster being just around the corner when the owner offered to walk with me…Um, wasn’t the point of this that I relieved the man of taking his dogs for a walk? Reluctantly, we walked on making awkward small talk whilst I tried to control two dogs of completely different shapes and speeds. One bolting ahead trying to throw itself into the road, the other staying so close to my feet that I nearly trod on it. Breaking into a sweat and stumbling over my words, eventually owner man decided to leave me to it. I headed straight for the park to get some respite with my new canine friends (or foe’s at this point). Finally in the park I felt at peace, I put little furry Quine’s lead under my bum so it stayed put and I held Ghost the husky in the other hand whilst I stupidly attempted a selfie of the two of us. Disaster.

Ghost came free and ran away at a speed that I can only describe as rivalling that of Usain Bolt. In total horror I left fluff ball where I was and ran after husky, screaming Ghost as I went, which of course turned a few heads. Trust me, If you ever want attention try running through a field screaming GHOST. Somehow catching up to the hound I felt floods of relief, thinking oh come on, what else could go wrong? Yes, it started humping my leg. The animal looked dead into my soul as our eyes met, it flew across the air pushing me to the floor and began to ruggedly hump my leg, to the absolute hilarity of all the many people surrounding me who pointed and laughed in unison, whilst my eyes welled up in complete humiliation.

Returning the dogs to their owner, I finally began to comprehend how it felt to look like someone who’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, more notably after the several other attempts Ghost took at throwing himself in front of cars whenever the chance arose on the walk back.

All in all, it was an adventure, and despite the above I’d actually recommend it! The benefits are endless, from saving some “walkies” time for the owner, to seeing what it’s like to own your preferred dog – no I won’t be buying a husky. It’s super easy to get in touch with people after a £12 sign up fee for the year. Plus, I eventually ended up getting someone to take a photo of Ghost and me for the ‘gram, so not all was lost!

So, if you fancy going dogging like me…Borrow My Doggy

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