The Fanny Steamers Are On Tour: Gwynnie’s Goop Conference To Hit London

By Phil Clarke |
9th April 2019

Full (fanny) steam ahead, Goop’s wellness conference is coming to London-town, and we’re busily polishing our best vagina crystals in anticipation. It’s going to be officially mad.

Next month Goop, everyone’s favourite ‘health’ brand and online magazine, will host their first wellness summit in downtown Los Angeles, after which the jamboree moves to London in June. The plan is for loveable nutter-in-chief Gwyneth Paltrow, plus Goop’s chief content officer, Elise, to host panels and discussions with ‘cutting-edge’ (read “questionable’) doctors, scientists, ‘thought leaders’ and ‘some of the women (and men) who inspire us the most’.

Given previous topics of discussion that Goop has foisted on the public have included the benefits of Body Vibes stickers, which heal by emitting an ideal frequency, and which were roundly decried by actual NASA as “a load of BS”, or what about the time they told us that we’ve all probably got a parasite and we should go on a diet exclusively made up of goats’ milk. Oh, and of course, the infamous advice that women should be steaming their va-jay-jays (again, not exactly endorsed by the medical community).

As well as the bollocks emanating from the stage, there’ll be a chance to get hands-on with the bullshit in a series of restorative workshops and classes which aim to help attendees with all things spirit, body, mind, and beauty related.

And if you were wondering how they pay for all this, they’ll have their signature retail hall, so a chance to get your hands on a £10,000 golden vibrator, £2,000 shaman recommended signet rings or a vagina egg.

Oh, and the punchline? Guess how much tickets for the LA event are… Just guess. $1,000? Miles out. $2,000? Getting warmer. More than double it. $6,000? Now you’ve overshot, it’s $4,500 for a weekend pass. You can buy a day pass for a snip at $1,000.

To be fair to Gwynnie, the weekender pass includes a two night hotel stay, cocktails, ‘Goop-favourite meals’ a VIP workout sesh and other bits and bobs. But still…

The London dates, locations and prices have yet to be released, but we are strangely excited to see what madness it brings and will, of course, keep you firmly in the loop.

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