The Handbook
The Handbook

Okay, I’ll admit it. If you’re reading this Sargent Nicholas (off of Hot Fuzz), I’m sorry but your beloved peace lily passed away while you were off fighting crime in Sandford. If only there was a hotel you could take the poor thing to while you were away for work. Well lucky for us Londoners, there’s now a hotel designed especially for your plant babies while you’re off on your holibobs!

Believe me, we’re just as shocked as you are. The world’s first hotel for plants has arrived in the city thanks to online plant delivery shop, Patch, and millennials cannot get enough! Let’s face it, we’ve all got a friend who’s blinking shrub crazy, and if you can’t think of someone, then it’s probably because it’s you. Patch Plant Hotel in Battersea are here to rescue your suffering ferns while you swan off to Bali with your inflatable flamingo. And, it’s free of charge!

While you often think looking after a plant baby is easier than looking after a pet (not that any London landlords let you keep a furry friend in your apartment), then you’re wrong. Plants are living, breathing beings, who need a little TLC every now and then, and the Patch Plant Hotel are here to help with your plant needs when you check them in. While you’re off swimming in crystal clear seas, the hotel attendants will be attending to your plants every needs for free might we add!

The menu for your green friends uses seasonal produce of course, and they cater for all dietary requirements thanks to their 100% organic, vegan plant food. And, don’t worry about Fred from next door over watering your little fellas, (or worse still, forget to water them), because here, they’ll be monitored carefully at the plant spa, with everything from hand powered misting treatments to deep tissue drenching. Whether your cacti friends are used to desert temperatures, or your bromeliad needs her daily dosage of tropical climes, Patch Plant Hotel has all climates catered for in their 100 rooms.

So if you know your spider plant from your dracaena fragrans, begonia rex from your siam tulip, give them a little pampering while you’re away on your own pamper retreat.

Get your bookings in pronto as the Patch Plant Hotel is only available until 5th September!