The Handbook
The Handbook

How did you spend your time in lockdown? I built a bookcase. I also started a screenplay, learnt a few cocktail recipes and ran a quiz night. But I didn’t get round to developing a candle that smells like my orgasm. I’ll bet the majority of you didn’t either. But someone did…

Gwyneth Paltrow described lockdown as ‘the most impactful, most waking up time that I’ve ever experienced’ in an interview with US TV host Jimmy Fallon. And what do you do when you’ve had a transcendent experience? Obviously you get to work distilling the essence of your orgasm into a commercially available candle. Worked for Gandhi, didn’t it?

Paltrow hit the headlines a few months back when she launched “This Smells Like My Vagina”, a candle that will leave gynaecologists scratching their heads given it smells of “geranium, citrusy bergamot and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed”. The A-Lister describes the scent as “Punk Rock feminist”, and I’m sure Sid Vicious and Jonny Rotten would’ve been queuing to spend $75 on a candle…

Taking on Tonight with Jimmy Fallon, Paltrow has revealed the follow-up, “This Smells Like My Orgasm”. The new candle, which is available on Paltrow’s Goop store is “tart grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose absolutes”.

Paltrow has not revealledthe R&D techniques that go into creating her candles, but if you want to get your hands (or nose) around one you’ll have to wait as it’s not currently shipping to the UK. Which is another $75 you’ve saved yourself, at least.

Check it out here, along with helpful instructions like ‘keep away from things that catch fire’…

 


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