How I (Almost) Made It As A BAFTA-Winning Reality TV Star

Living with reckless abandon

At the time I had fairly recently come out of a relationship, and the application process involved filling out a Q&A, which I have directly quoted here:

Name of partner: “Recently broke up, thanks for asking.”

Occupation of partner: “Stop rubbing salt in the wound.”

Are you and your partner equally keen on a move? If not, who isn’t and why? “Again, very much on my own here. Thanks again for highlighting my single status. Whoever made these forms should be fired. But yes, me, myself and I are thrilled with the decision.”

And so it went on…

A few days later, I received a friendly call from a person at the BBC, saying they wanted to put me forward for an episode. He also laughed and mentioned that he was the one that had created the form… I apologised. Profusely.

I gradually made my way through various Zoom calls, and eventually the BBC decided that I shouldn’t do it alone. I started mentally scrolling through all the fabulous friends I could take. In the end we went with their suggestion: my mum.

I called my mum with the good news to which she replied: “Oh God, oh God, oh God. I don’t think I can do it. I hear social media trolls are horrendous these days.” I reminded her that while her career as an international influencer was sure to take off, I didn’t think anyone would actually notice our fledging TV appearance.

I started mentally scrolling through all the fabulous friends I could take on the trip. In the end we went with their suggestion: my mum.

Mum and I then made our way to the Isle of Skye in a hire car. This might sound easy and stress-free, but you’ve never experienced my driving.

Naturally, we got the parts

And so filming started. It was all socially distanced and the crew took great pains to ensure our safety throughout the whole process. The premise of my episode being that while all my friends are settling down and having children, I’m alone and single and don’t want to be the last person propping up the bar in London.

I will now be divulging a few spoilers but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t matter… because you’re not going to watch it anyway are you? Plus, I actually haven’t seen the episode, so they may have cut me out and instead followed the glorious adventures of my mother.

The filming started off by documenting my London life during the time of coronavirus, which involved, well, very little. So we had to embellish my hobbies to include: writing a novel on my balcony (which I inexplicably chose to write with one of those four-colour clicky pens), visiting a local florist I have never been to before in my life, and wearing a high-vis jacket and helmet to cycle and see my friends on a street corner. Safe to say, I’m sure my true personality as a deeply cool, well-dressed, high-flying city slicker shone through.

Mum and I then made our way to the Isle of Skye in a hire car. This might sound easy and stress-free, but you’ve never experienced my driving. Even with the automatic that I specifically requested, we nearly crashed several times. But we made it to the island in one piece, even though mum had three near heart attacks.

Living off the land (sort of)

Once on Skye we fully embrace island life and all the things that I would be doing there on a daily basis, such as foraging for mushrooms and seafood. This was actually a real highlight and our wonderful ghillie was the passionate Mitch and his dog (also named) Ghillie. (Ghillie, by the way, is Gaelic for a fishing and hunting guide).

Ghillie-ing is Mitch’s full-time job. He hosts fishing adventures, wild walks, family trips and stalking expeditions, working with the land in a respectful and knowledgable way. He taught us how to live side by side with nature – mainly by eating dug-up cockles and freshly foraged mushrooms, seasoned with pepper dulse (the truffle of the sea, this final flourish was totally addictive). Check him out on www.SkyeGhillie.com. There was also a fabulous hail storm right in the middle of filming which I found thoroughly invigorating. Meanwhile mum sheltered under an umbrella and mackintosh, wondering why I hadn’t chosen to relocate to the Caribbean.

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Blending in with the locals

Next up we met more islanders. The delightfully friendly Katie Tunn, an ocean advocate and artist (her works are available to see here), who has also had her own five minutes of fame on Channel 4’s “Eden: Paradise Lost”. She has hurled herself into island life, trying to learn Gaelic, setting up a studio, campaigning for the environment and fully embracing the wild terrain of the island. After a ten-minute conversation with her, I genuinely pictured a friendship blossoming and the idea that I might know someone on Skye started to sway me into staying.

We also visited the local gin distillery The Isle Of Skye Distillers, which produces the herbal flavours of Misty Isle gin. It was set up by two brothers, Thomas and Alistair Wilson, at their home and has expanded into a successful business. After having a go at producing our own batch (highly unsuccessfully…), my mum was given her own section of the episode for a private tasting (see? Pretty sure I’ve been cut from the programme). Meanwhile, I busied myself by purchasing a few bottles of the local gin, plus a bottle of Talisker, the island’s whisky.