Anyone can learn Spanish. Taking online cookery classes or getting fit are perfectly fine uses of your time in quarantine, but what will you have to show for it? Except a skill for life, a beach-toned body and maybe a soufflé? Not a beard, that’s what.
Men: you might have gone into lockdown as clean shaven as Bradley Wiggins’ calf muscles, but how are you going to look when you emerge? Anything short of closely resembling an SAS hero who’s spent the last three months in an Afghan cave is abject failure. You need a beard. It’s one of the rules of lockdown and here are the steps to achieving facial hair greatness.
We’ve teamed up with beardy specialists Copenhagen Grooming with some advice and product that will make growing a beard as easy as growing cress on a flannel…
1. Don’t Shave
This is a complex instruction, I realise, so I’ll break it down. There is a secret to beard growth that’s passed down from one hairy man to another since the days of the Neanderthals like it’s the Da Vinci Code, and I’m going to impart it now. If there’s one key to growing a beard it’s this… don’t shave. Step away from the Mach 3, put down the shears, just don’t shave.
Top Copenhagen Grooming tip: moisturising isn’t just for baldy faced wimps, apply Greenkeeper to ensure your skin remains subtle and avoid irritation or flakiness as you grow your face monster.
2. Even When It Itches
There’s a point when lesser men give up on beard growing, throwing away weeks of hard work. Referred to by scientists as ‘the really itchy stage’; it’s normal and it’s avoidable. But the key to getting through the really itchy stage is by sticking with it, safe in the knowledge that it’ll come good. Perhaps seek encouragement by putting up posters of some of your beardy heroes, like Captain Pugwash, Rasputin or Brian Blessed (now there’s a fantasy dinner party!).
Top Copenhagen Grooming tip: The itchiness is often caused by dirt so keeping your beard clean is essential. Use 8AM Splash to remove filth and dirt while leaving your beard’s natural oils where they belong (in your beard).
3. You Can Do It…
So you’re well on the way to being a beard grand master, but you’re not there yet. Sort of brown belt level. To get closer to that black belt stay in the beard dojo a little longer, let’s go all Kung Fu on the thing. Beard frizz, for example, can leave you feeling a big Hagrid when you were going for something a little more Noel Edmonds circa 1990s. Fear not, this can be controlled. Not got the volume you were hoping for? Again not a problem.
Top Copenhagen Grooming tip: To keep your beard in check use products like The Beard Hero, which will keep your beard hydrated and nourished making it look fuller and healthier. Combat frizziness with beard balm The Cruise Control.
4. Lookin’ Great…
You’ve got this under control. Other beardos look at you admiringly and clean-faces look at you jealously. But it’s not all finished, you need to keep a handle on this. Your only responsibility moving forward is to keep it looking tip-top.
5. Come Out Of Lockdown Looking Like A Greek F*cking God
Walk back into the office looking as cool as a Shoreditch barista. You’ve used your time away in the most productive way possible, you’ve added a valuable asset to the front of your face and what’s more, you look like a freaking Greek God!
Check out Copenhagen Grooming and all their products online, including the all-new 8AM Splash which Handbook readers can enjoy for 10% off!