The Handbook
The Handbook

Not by popular demand: Boris is back! In the TV appearance that nobody ever wanted to see but everyone will surely watch, the Prime Minister will take to the airwaves this evening to tell us the next stage of lockdown. The briefing follows the down-beat assessment of glum duo of Whitty and Vallance yesterday that predicted 50,000 infections a day by mid October and set the scene for a second wave beating lockdown.

This morning the PM will chair a COBRA meeting with his top advisors (pub quiz fact: COBRA sounds flipping cool, but actually stands for Cabinet Office Briefing Room A (I know, not very Bond after all)). The rumour mill is turning and Downing Street has started leaking like an upstairs neighbour’s shower.

According to pretty much all the papers, we should expect a curfew on restaurants and hospitality, with venues forced to shut their doors by ¬†10pm. The government will also reverse-ferret on their ‘back to the office’ push and once again recommend WFH-ing.

Restaurants and bars will apparently be limited to table-service only while wedding guest numbers will be slashed and plans to reintroduce audiences to live sports will be shelved.

However, SAGE advisors are suggesting that these measures alone simply aren’t enough. To be fair it seems a stretch to assume that coronavirus transmission is only taking place in pubs between 10pm and last orders, and so hospitality curfews will need to go along with other measures yet to be announced if they are to be effective. It’s difficult to speculate what they might say, many French cities have mandated masks outside in public, while perhaps the WFH directive will come with reduced public transport. We will see…

But one thing we do know is that Health Secretary Matt Hancock has stressed that there isn’t a full-on second lockdown coming, and ministers have been clear that schools will not be shut down at this point.

The address will take place at 8pm this evening, it will be essential viewing…

Update: SPOILER ALERT: Boris will first get up in¬†parliament at 12:30 and give a brief statement…

Boris’s Big Briefing Bingo

All of which made us wonder, how can we make Boris’s briefing bearable? Given it inevitably involves curbing our freedoms yet again our suggestion is to gather, socially distanced and ideally with the five friends you’d most like to see before being thrown back into solitary, bottles in hand, and play a game of good ol’ fashioned bingo.

Here’s our downloadable chart, with three separate charts so you can enjoy with friends, dabbers at the ready…

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