It’s A Scorcher! 10 Tips For Beating This Heatwave
It’s officially hot. Like, properly hot. Jessica-Alba-in-a-sauna hot. There are beads of sweat dripping onto the keyboard as I write this, it’s gross, the F key won’t even press properly now. But if you’re feeling so hot that you want to rip your own skin off, think again (seriously, think again mate, that would be gross, like Robbie Williams circa 1999 gross). So you don’t need to feel like you’re perpetually wedged into a George Forman grill, here are some practical steps you can take to chill the chill out man.
Make your own air-con unit
For real. AC is really costly, it’s noisy and, unless you spend a fortune, it’s probably a bit pants too. So embrace the ‘bit pants’ spirit and make your own lo-tech alternative. Get a bowl of ice, pop it in front of a fan and Bob’s closely related to your mother. And talking of pants…
Tell your boss
The government sets a minimum temperature of 16 degrees for office environments, but unhelpfully they don’t mandate a max. However, the Health and Safety Executive say that a bare minimum of 80% of the workforce must be satisfied with the heat. If it’s less, then employers are expected to take action. Revolution!
Shower lukewarm
A cold shower might sound like bliss, but a. it’s not, they’re awful however hot you are, it’s like being an extra in Titanic and b. they’re actually not the best thing anyway, what you want is a lukewarm shower. Hello Luke. Unlike a cold shower, which reduces blood flow to your skin, tricking your body into raising your core temperature thus making you hotter, it will cool you down without raising your body’s suspicions. Like a toad in a pan, but the opposite.
Sleep in a hammock
Beds will warm you up no end, radiating heat into the wool! Great in British weather 11 months a year, but right now it’s a sweat sponge. But how about a hammock? Gently swinging in the breeze, they let the air circulate around you. And you get to feel like a pirate. Win win.
Yoga breathe
It’s way too hot for downward dogging, but yoga breathing will apparently stimulate your ‘parasympathetic nervous system’ (had to Google that one too), triggering a ‘rest and digest reaction’. Which will release heat. Well it’s worth a go, if you don’t mind your colleagues looking at you like you’re mad. So, if you’re sitting comfortably… stick out your tongue right out (so it is sort of downward dog), and then roll it so that the sides of your tongue are facing upwards… inhale for four seconds through your rolled tongue. Then close your mouth and exhale for six seconds through your nose. Keep doing this. Given 30% of people can’t physically roll their tongues, myself included, that’s Darwinism in action, we’ll just be bones in the desert.
Work from home
Being sat in a suit at a desk with sweat patches on your actual knees is not conducive to producing solid results. If your boss is, like, WTF to WFH then let them know that home workers are more productive, cheaper in terms of office resources and, in this weather, happier. This doesn’t necessarily work if you’re a coal miner or bus driver, though.
Cool your pulse points
How do athletes cool down? According to a 2013 study heatstroke in athletes fell when they rubbed ice on their ‘pulse points’, like on your wrist or neck, cooling the blood as it continues through your body. Not great if you’re squeamish about wrists though, eugh.
If all that fails…
…WATER FIGHT! Sure, your boss may not be impressed when you turn up at the door with two supersoakers and a bucket of water bombs, yes you may be about to render yourself virtually unemployable, but how epic would it be to start a full-on water fight in the office? Don’t go down in flames, go down in torrents.
