Legend has it that if the Tower of London ravens are lost or fly away, the Crown will fall and Britain with it. And I don’t want you to freak out or anything, but one of the eight birds just disappeared, missing presumed dead…

I think we can all agree that last year was a shocker, even by the standards of recent years (remember 2016 when we got Trump and Bruce Forsythe died and everyone said it was the worst year in history?). Well 2021 appears to be having a ‘hold my beer’ moment, as the year that gave us lockdown and a global pandemic gave way to a year that just days in has seen the seat of American democracy stormed by Nazis, continued lockdown and now the distinct possibility that the Crown will fall and Britain with it.

Tower authorities noticed that Merlina had not been been out shopping or collecting her giro and medication and so they’ve done the raven equivalent of calling social services and having someone go round and knock on her door. They’ve assumed she’s dead and called off the search.

 

It’s unclear if MI5 have been alerted…

Given the high stakes it’s unclear if MI5 have been alerted, but when the very nation is threatened you’d expect the security services to be keeping a close eye on things. Home Secretay Priti Patel must be busting a gut (or one of her staff’s) trying to get a fix on the situation.

According to the tower Ravenmaster (my careers advisor never mentioned that option), Christopher Skaife, the raven called Melina, and known as the queen of the tower’s unkindness of ravens, is presumed dead having disappeared for weeks now.

Taking to Radio 4’s Today programme, Skaife told us “Merlina is a free-spirited raven and has been known to leave the tower precincts on many occasion. I’m her buddy and she normally comes back to us, but this time she didn’t. So, I do fear that she is not with us any more.”

The Ravenmaster also noted that “Just before Christmas, before we went into the lockdown, we were putting the ravens to bed, and she didn’t come back” (why don’t they tag them? It’s mad that I can find my iPhone easier than they can find these birds that bear the fate of our nation on their not-very-clipped wings).

Which sounds pretty damn ominous.

However, don’t start barricading your doors and windows quite yet, there’s still hope that we’re not on the brink of total societal collapse in 2021. The Tower is required to keep six ravens and they are still one raven up. Also, even at Britain’s darkest hour, during the Blitz, all but one of the ravens died from either bombing or stress. So, 2021 withstanding, we’re still well insulated from impending doom. 

We hope.

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