Is It Okay To Insist On A Child-Free Wedding?
While it’s peak wedding season in the pop-star world (Taylor, Selena, Dua all engaged in the same year—exciting!), it also happens to be a time of proposals and wedding planning at The Handbook. Three of our team members got engaged this year, so there’s been some chat in the office about dresses, destinations, rings, proposals, and kids at weddings, or specifically, not having kids at weddings. Two of our team members discuss whether or not they would insist on a child-free wedding:
The case for having kids at a wedding
Andrea, Food, Culture & Lifestyle Editor
This summer, I attended a gorgeous wedding in the countryside. There was plenty of sunshine, flowing rosé, a couple that couldn’t be more in love, and a band that played Love Story by Taylor Swift at just the right time so that everyone was drunk enough to stand on chairs and sing (scream) along. Pretty perfect if you ask me – it also happened to the first child-free wedding I’ve ever attended, with an invitation that came with a very polite “please leave your kids at home” note on the card.
So here’s the thing – I’m from India, and the idea of asking people to leave their children behind for a wedding would probably be offensive. So if I were planning my own wedding, I would not expect to have a child-free one.
For me, having kids running around at a wedding is just part of the celebration, and I think it would be incomplete without it.
Andrea, Contributing Food, Culture & Lifestyle Editor
But apart from that, I’m at that age where my friends have started having kids. My closest friends are scattered all over the world, and I rarely get to see them, so I have serious FOMO because I haven’t gotten to see their babies yet. So, honestly, for my hypothetical wedding, I would absolutely love for my friends to bring their kids, even if it’s just so that I can see them and they can finally meet their (favourite) aunty. For me, having kids running around at a wedding is just part of the celebration, and I think it would be incomplete without at least one baby crying in the middle of the ceremony.
The case for not having kids at a wedding
Harriet, Head Of Partnerships
We’re getting married next year and are having babies in arms only at the wedding. Although we’d love to have our friends and family’s children, we are super tight on numbers, so not having children definitely helps with the budget and spaces available. Plus, it means the adults can have a night off and enjoy the wedding to the full, without needing to supervise their kids throughout the day. I don’t feel particularly strongly about not having kids at the wedding, it’s just a decision based on cost and the available space.
It means the adults can have a night off and enjoy the wedding to the full.
Harriet, Head Of Partnerships
The verdict
The choice to have children at weddings or not should be the couple’s decision entirely, and whatever they decide ultimately should not be a reason to take offence and break friendships. Weddings are expensive, and catering to families can mean extra costs, so, understandably, a couple might not want to take that on. However, if you do decide to have a child-free wedding, you should probably also not take it to heart if someone can’t attend your wedding because they aren’t in a position to leave their child/children behind.
On the flip side, I know at least one friend who would be only too eager to welcome the break from nappy duties and let their hair down for a wedding, without worrying about their children, so asking for a child-free wedding might just be a blessing for some. Ultimately, a wedding can be as private and intimate or big and flamboyant as the couple desires it to be, but the most important thing is making sure you are planning a wedding that’s right for you and your partner and makes you both comfortable and happy.
Whatever your decision, it is important to make it absolutely clear whether or not children are invited.
Whatever your decision, it is important to make it absolutely clear whether or not children are invited. I was at a wedding once where someone brought their kids along to a child-free wedding because they just didn’t read the card properly, so, to avoid awkward situations, make it clear on the wedding invitation, follow up politely with your friends with children and make sure everyone knows who is invited (and who isn’t).
