Do You Need To Buy A Gift For A Destination Wedding? 2 Editors Weigh In
Wedding season is well underway, and for those lucky enough to be invited to nuptials further afield, you might be wondering whether a gift is really necessary on top of costly travel and accommodation expenses? Here, two editors who, between them, have been guests at countless destination weddings weigh in on whether you need to buy a gift.
What is a destination wedding?
Let’s clarify exactly what we mean by ‘destination wedding’ to start. A destination wedding is typically one that requires guests to travel a significant distance, sometimes internationally, to attend the celebration. We’re not talking about an hour’s drive; it’s normally quite a bit longer/further, and can often be costly, time-consuming, and/or logistically challenging for guests to get there.
What etiquette traditionally says about destination wedding gifts
In terms of expectations, the couple usually sets the tone in the invitation or on the wedding website by stating whether there’s a gift registry or wishing well. Typically, however, the cost of travelling to the location is seen as a gift in itself, but guests might choose to give a token gift on top.
The case for buying a gift
Andrea, Food, Culture & Lifestyle Editor
I LOVE a destination wedding. Firstly, because it gives you the chance to travel to a pretty place. Secondly, all my friends stay at the same hotel, so it becomes a three-day-long slumber party (Disclaimer: These are Indian weddings, we don’t usually do one-day-only affairs in case you haven’t heard…).
It is understood that guests have to spend a decent chunk of money to travel to said destination, and anyway, by the time you’re done planning different outfits for all the ceremonies involved (we’re talking haldi, mehendi, sangeet, cocktail, reception etc.), you’ve possibly already dug deep into your bank account. So a bride and groom don’t generally expect big gifts – plus, if guests come loaded with presents, I’m not sure about anyone else’s friends, but mine will not be paying extra baggage fees, so your carefully chosen lamp might be left strewn on a hotel room floor. Giving cash might be okay, but then again, no one wants to travel with wads of money. My opinion: yes, bring a gift for a destination wedding. But keep it small, personal and not annoying to carry.
My group of friends from university have made something of a tradition of creating a memory book for each person’s wedding. A book fits easily into your handbag; it doesn’t occupy too much space or weight, and it’s just a really sweet and super personal gift. For my friend Vimla, who got married in Mauritius, we made a “Vogue” magazine cover with her wedding picture on it.
We are a very efficient team (we did uni group projects together), and our group includes a graphic designer, a writer, an HR manager, and one Harvard grad, so together we are a start-up in the making. Everyone emails over a few paragraphs with pictures to the designer, who puts it together. I add some cover lines, and then it’s printed and presented to the bride. Vimla still has hers framed on her wall, so I take it as a success!
Yes, bring a gift for a destination wedding. But keep it small, personal and not annoying to carry.
Andrea, Contributing Food, Culture & Lifestyle Editor
The case against buying a gift
Natasha, Digital Editor
My friends and I are in the throes of wedding season. It is a magical and joyful time for so many of my favourite people, but I would be lying if I said it did not come with a dose of financial pressure. Of course, the bride and groom have the right to celebrate their wedding exactly as they wish. However, if it is a destination affair, there also needs to be the understanding that some guests may not be able to make it work, and that is perfectly acceptable. And if they can make it, they might be financially stretched to be there. We’re in a cost-of-living crisis, after all.
From flights (if applicable), transfers, several nights of accommodation (often at peak-season prices), perhaps time off work, and the bill from that once-in-a-lifetime hen or stag weekend, it all adds up quickly. When a wedding gift is added to that list, it starts to feel like a steep thing to expect from guests.
Sometimes, the greatest gift is simply showing up in whatever way is possible.
Natasha, Digital Editor
If you want to give a gift, and it is within your budget, go for it! But there are equally thoughtful, more affordable ways to celebrate the couple and show your appreciation, such as contributing to a group gesture or handmaking something special. Another option is inviting them over for a beautiful home-cooked dinner when you are back.
For me, as an Australian, flying home for friends’ weddings costs £1.5k in flights alone, meaning my presence is often the present. Ultimately, it comes down to this: everyone’s circumstances differ, from geography to financial position. Rather than feeling an unspoken pressure, remember that sometimes, the greatest gift is simply showing up in whatever way is possible.
When you might rethink your decision
Of course, each situation is different, and a range of factors need to be taken into consideration when making your decision, including how close you are to the couple and whether there are any cultural expectations. If gifting is expected for a destination wedding, you might need to start budgeting for the event or, as Andrea suggests, give a small gift.
Our editors’ final verdict
Ultimately, it’s up to you – and if you’re not sure, follow the couple’s lead. Both our editors agree that, if you are going to give a gift, make it inexpensive but meaningful.
