We are all surely guilty of having given too much of ourselves to another person in order to please them – and we may do this (or currently be doing this!) for a complicated variety of reasons. Saying no is something that many of us struggle with, and this is especially true when it comes to our relationships.
It is a fact of life that we are occasionally going to form relationships with people who will turn out to not always have the best of intentions, or will not have a positive impact on our lives. Julie Montagu likes to refer to these people as energy vampires, as they take and they take and they take, but very rarely do they give back to you. She shares her tips on why it’s important to find the strength to disconnect from these energy vampires, and to start putting yourself first!
Life Is Short
I know that this is a total cliché, but it’s also got a lot of truth to it! We only get to live each day once, and if you are spending each of your days giving your time and energy to people who only seek to drain it from you, then you aren’t giving yourself a change to live you best life! There are countless amazing people on this planet, and the chances are that you already know a lot of them! You’ll know who these people are because they are the ones that make you happy, the ones that encourage you to reach your goals and never make you feel less than them.
Positivity Over History
Sometimes we hold onto friendships because of the history we have with this person. We often equate the quantity of time we have known someone with the quality of friendship that exists between us. However, knowing someone for a long time doesn’t mean that you have to continue with this relationship if it is becoming a negative one. In fact, the people who have known us the longest can often be the ones who don’t always treat us with the best of intentions. This might be for a number of reasons, but it is never behaviour that you have to accept.
Stress Is Harmful
Maintaining relationships with energy vampires can not only be exhausting, but actually quite stressful too. And as I talk about often, stress is actually a serious contributor of ill health! When we experience stress for extended periods of time then the immune system can be compromised, which can soon lead to illness. In addition to harming the immune system, chronic stress can also lead to fatigue, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, and can also make it much harder for you to stay in control of your feelings and emotions.
Spend your time with people who make you happy, people who make you laugh, and people who make you feel good about yourself!
Conflict Is Draining
When you continue to make the extra effort to maintain relationships with energy vampires, you are likely going to experience repeated turbulent times with these people. What I mean by this is that it is likely that disagreements and conflicts will arise, and that it will be you who has to go the extra mile to resolve these situations. Working through these conflicts will be a drain on your time as well as your emotional energy. It can also cause you to begin shying away from your other more positive relationships, as you start to feel exhausted by these situations and interactions.
If there are certain people that you can’t remain on good terms with then it may be wise to find an amicable end to these friendships. That’s not to say that you are never going to have an argument or disagreement with the positive people in your life, but that if negativity is becoming a consistent theme of your friendship, then it may be time to move on from each other.
You Deserve Better
Perhaps the most important and glaringly obvious reason to stop wasting your time on energy vampires is simply that you deserve better!If you always strive to be a good person, to give the best of yourself to your relationships, and to always be there for the people that you care about, then it’s perfectly okay to expect this in return. If you are finding it hard to end toxic relationships with energy vampires then you might be struggling from a lack of self-love or low self-esteem.
This is something that so many people struggle with, and is something that you can work on slowly over time in order to build yourself up! When you truly embrace self-love then you will know that you deserve healthy, happy relationships, where everyone respects and understands the boundaries of the other person.