Nope, I’m not talking about your fave lunchtime snack. I’m referring to something much less tasty, but a whole lot more impactful: the Sandwich Generation. The term has gone from a sociological footnote to a cultural flashpoint. If you’re not in it yourself, you almost certainly know someone who is.

I am that person. And let me tell you, it’s not something I was prepared for. Naively, I didn’t see that sandwich hurtling towards me. Typically affecting individuals in their late 30s to early 60s, it’s an ironically cute term for those caring for ageing parents and raising or financially supporting their own kids. I say cute because some years ago, on a team of three in a business start-up, I was referred to as the jam in the sandwich, placating and bringing together two similar personalities. It was a lovely role, with a whole lot less turmoil than the current jumbo sub of emotional upheaval.

While these ‘sandwich years’ may sound like all doom and gloom, let me stop you from spiralling into the jam…

Ashling, Contributing Style & Interiors Editor

The big impact

Simply put, we’re living longer and starting families later. Demands have shifted. To top it off, most in this cohort, though not exclusively, are women. We are holding it together with demands hitting from every direction. In the grand scheme of things, I am lucky. I have family, siblings and parents who can care for themselves. I adore them all. But that mental load can sure weigh you down. Often balancing the emotional, physical and financial demands of caring for both generations simultaneously, sandwich carers pay a high price in their health, well-being, finances and careers.

You need to get to work, but school is calling and your own parent needs to get to the doctor… prioritising is more blurry than ever.

The real cost

For many families, a parent’s health diagnosis doesn’t just hit with a tornado of emotions; it often arrives with a financial burden. Meanwhile, at the other end of the sandwich, childcare and everyday necessities need to be factored in. University students in the UK now graduate with roughly £45,000 in debt, and the average first-time buyer deposit can exceed £60,000. Wow – give me a minute. Or perhaps pour me a glass because the Bank of Mum and Dad is now, quite literally, being pushed to its limits. 

The emotional load

For a lot of us, it’s the shift from having our parents be there to look out for us – relishing the role of ‘daddy’s girl’, or knowing with absolute certainty that mum will sort it out – to suddenly having to be their sounding board and their rock. Or heartbreakingly, see them through failing health. All the while nurturing our own babies or teenagers and keeping a new generation happy, grounded, and sane. There is an unspoken pressure to keep things running seamlessly and still get your 10,000 steps in; to have all the right answers and pay the bills, or, in fact, just get out the door each morning with your top not inside out.

There’s no denying the overwhelm, but there are still moments of joy that appear, often when things feel like they’re on the brink. Like the first time a baby smiles, suddenly those sleepless nights feel so much less heavy.

The conversation is getting louder

While these ‘sandwich years’ may sound like all doom and gloom, let me stop you from spiralling into the jam. The good news is that we’re finally talking about it. For years, people have suffered in silence. Mothers have been trolled for their evident exhaustion while buoying up their entire families. And while social media may be playing havoc with our young people’s minds, it has certainly opened a window of hope for countless people wading through life’s quagmire. In the last year or two, we have at last begun to share our experiences honestly and openly. 

Specifically, women in their 40s and 50s are sharing the unglamorous reality. From school pick-ups to medical forms, playdates to care home visits, emotional chats to teacher meetings, not to mention the 11 am Google Meet for work, online, the engagement runs deep with comment sections reading like a support group. Fundamentally, we’re not alone. 

The wonderful silver lining

The final beautiful upside to all this, I believe, is that while it can feel like a lot, in some cases, we have been granted more time with those we love. The emotional support we are providing is fostering deeper family bonds and a kind of cross-generational wisdom that is hard to acquire any other way. Many people in this whirlwind stage of life describe their caregiving years, later in life, as some of the most purposeful of their lives. So, as I have been told at many stages, this too shall pass. Live in the moment. And, if you’re like me, a glass of red really helps, especially if I get to enjoy it with my mum or dad.

Health & Wellness, Lifestyle

Want to receive more great articles like this every day? Join our daily email now