Tier two, we’ve missed you. It’s been a month and yes, I’ve put on at least half a stone, but I’ve noticed a change in you too. Most things will remain the same, there’s the familiar six people outdoors rule, there’s no households mixing in restaurants, that old chestnut. But there’s a new element too: alcohol can only be sold with a ‘substantial meal’. WTAF?

Restaurants will manage to soldier on under the new regulations (which are far from ideal for the industry, but still… expect a lot of ‘work dinners’) but it’s another nail in the coffin of our beloved pubs who will now be precluded from pulling pints unless they’re served with ‘a substantial meal’. Which leaves us scratching our heads…

Is a bowl of chips a substantial meal? What about chips with cocktail sausages? How about if we add in gravy?

My one year old thinks a substantial meal is a banana and a rusk. I’m trying/failing to lose weight, so a substantial meal contains only up to 600 calories?

Is a bowl of chips a substantial meal?

And is it a ‘substantial meal’ per person or can a group order the ‘substantial meal’ and all pick at it while they booze?

How long can you drink alcohol after you’ve finished your ‘substantial meal’?

And will policemen be walking round pubs deciding which meals are substantial and which meals are insubstantial and, therefore, illegal? Or will pubs and bars be given yet another responsibility and be forced to police it themselves?

Finally, will there be extra funding available alongside furlough to allow establishments hit by tier two remain closed if they simply can’t justify the nuttiness of operating under these conditions?

With only a week until hospitality is expected to reopen their doors, to relaunch and rehire there are so many questions left unanswered that only government has the key to.

Perhaps this isn’t ideal…

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