Is your loo Instagram ready? Probably not (the bathroom here at The Handbook is currently being plagued by ‘the phantom sh**tter’, so count us out), but unlike us thankfully the restaurants, bars and hotels of London not only have their loo brush game sorted, but they’ve got a phenomeonal backdrop for it too. Welcome to the Loos Of Instagram (the various working titles for this piece have included Bogs On Blogs, Must-Have-Lavs and Perfect Pissers, so believe me it could’ve been worse…).
No Hyde-ing The View
Scrub in style as you enjoy the view across Hyde Park from the splendid COMO Suite on the 10th floor of Park Lane’s COMO Metropolitan London hotel. The suite comes with a sitting room, dining area, large walk-in shower and *this* stunning bathroom with a freestanding bath, minimalistic look and, well, that view.
When You've Gotta FlaminGO
Apparently (big does of cynicism, but it’s a good yarn) Oscar Wilde’s last words were ‘either that wallpaper goes or I do’. I think Wilde might’ve had the same wallpaper as Jin Bo Law’s loos, and I’m a fan. Yes, it’s a 14th storey bar in the city, so every window has a stunning view, but a printed silk flamingo wallpaper is basically my spirit animal, so here’s my favourite.
Where: 14th Floor Dorsett City, 9 Aldgate High Street, London EC3N 1AH
Nearest station: Aldgate (0.1 miles)
Fit For A Queen
I’m picturing Marie Antoinette reclining in this bath (not in a pervy way, this is a PG visualisation), summoning more cake from her flunkeys. The grandeur of the suites at San Domenico House, tucked behind the epicentre of posh London, Sloane Square, is unmistakable and this bathroom epitomises the luxury of the boutique hotel.
The Loo That Oozes (Opulence, That Is)
Golden taps shaped as swans? Tick! Hand painted Turkish wallpaper? Tick! Enough marble to re-clad the Collesium? Tick! No, not Donald Trump’s boudoir but the bathrooms at London restaurant Park Chinois. Oozing might not be a word you want to hear in a bathroom, but this one positively oozes with opulence.
Where: Park Chinois, 17 Berkeley Street, Mayfair, W1J 8EA
Nearest station: Green Park (0.2 miles)
They're From Mars...
The only time outside a doctor’s surgery you’ll hear the sentence “You absolutely have to go to the loo” will be at Sketch. They are truly iconic. The Mayfair restaurant has taken a different approach to the whole bathroom sitch, placing other-worldly ‘eggs’ at random in a large upstairs room. Step inside the egg to do your business, but rest assured you’ll never look at a normal loo the same again.
Pretty in Pink
Annabel’s in Mayfair have loos that you could imagine Marilyn Monroe washing her hands in back in the day, or Audrey Hepburn gasping at in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. They’re glam, they’re girly, and the design by Martin Bruznizki Design Studio captures “the spirit of English eccentricity,” which was the plan. If pink isn’t your shade however then they might be a sight for sore eyes. Personally? We’d love a good powder of the nose in these loos.
When You Said Let's Get High In The Toilets...
When I shave in the mornings I can look out on a suburban side-return. Not quite the same experience at the Shangri La Hotel At The Shard, where the bathroom has quite possibly the best view in London. Check into the iconic hotel, pour in the bubble bath, fill up and lie back on top of the world. I could get very used to this…
I'm Basically Stalking This Suite
I think I might be obsessed with the Royal Suite at The Corinthia. I keep writing about it (like in our Sweet Suites guide), but this time I’m not banging on about the incredible Thames view from the incredible terrance, but instead I’m going nuts for the bathroom. Like everything else in this suite, it’s massive and fit for a pharaoh.
Is there anything about Four Seasons Hotel at Ten Trinity Square that isn’t seriously slick and grand at the same time? From the moment you enter through the colonnaded front door to even the loos, with more than a midas touch along with with beautiful design.
Where: Four Seasons Hotel London at Ten Trinity Square, Trinity Square, London EC3N 4AJ, United Kingdom
Nearest station: Tower Hill (0.1 miles)
Hotel Café Royal have produced something that might well be straight out of a Roman Emperor’s gaffe with the bathroom in their Regent Suite. Marble on marble, it’s a cool cross between Caesar’s boudoir and sanatorium/super-max, with white on white on chrome. We love it.