“My Daughter Was Diagnosed With ADHD. Why Did This Turn My Life Upside Down?”
Five years ago, I had no clue what ADHD was. Today, my algorithm throws it at me daily. It is everywhere, to the point that it seems everyone has it. So is this a social media phenomenon or a genuine disorder affecting millions of people? The day my eldest was diagnosed, everything made sense — a story Mel Robbins has spoken about, too.
Gracie, my daughter, is a whirlwind of a girl. All smiles and excitement. She fizzes with creativity, infectious energy and palpable empathy. She’s the planner, the carer, and the adventurer. Her wild, chaotic ways bring the drama and the fun. Until the waves of emotion roll in like great whites on a beach and the chaos leads to overthinking, overpromising, trails of unfinished tasks, open cupboard doors and piles of discarded clothes. Mix all those contradictions together, and it serves up a diagnosis of ADHD.
For my daughter and many others, finally being seen and understood is revolutionary. Learning and working with the brain, not against it, is, without a doubt, a step towards getting the best out of everyone.
Ashling, Contributing Style & Interiors Editor
The diagnosis: relief, not surprise
Sitting in the psychologist’s office, we weren’t really surprised. In fact, there was relief. For my daughter, it gave her a better understanding of herself. Something which can only be a gift at the age of 17. Recognising when she is spiralling or unnecessarily dissecting a flippant comment from a friend, realising when her brain allows her to be more productive and also accepting when absolutely nothing is going to happen that day. It hasn’t changed her, but she is better armed to face a future with greater self-awareness.
ADHD in women
Interestingly, though, psychotherapist Julia Kehoe also reports, “In my practice, I am increasingly hearing from women who are recognising their own ADHD symptoms after their child receives a diagnosis. For many, this discovery provides a long-awaited explanation for challenges they have experienced throughout their lives.” For instance, Mel Robbins, author, self-help expert and host of one of the world’s most successful podcasts, was diagnosed with ADHD at 47. But only after her son’s paediatrician recognised the same traits in Mel. Apparently, it’s all too common.
There is much polarizing ADHD chatter on social media, but it has also succeeded in raising awareness.
While Gracie is very different from me, it was hard to ignore the traits we shared. For me, there was a sense of sadness. A gut-wrenching flashback to missed opportunities or moments of unwarranted overwhelm. Pain for a quiet child deemed a dreamer. While I am not diagnosed and continue to linger on the NHS waitlist for some three years, there really is no denying it.
The signs were always there
When I say there were signs, there were definitely signs. At uni, I got used to last-minute cramming and caffeine-fuelled all-nighters. To me, nothing felt unusual in that. It was the ultimate student life. Landing my first job, I thrived on little money and the intoxicating world of magazine headlines, fashion shoots, and PR launches.
I was living my own personal dream. I worked on newspapers, glossies and weekly mags, all with high demands and fast-paced submissions. Every second of it fuelling the dopamine. I was an introvert in an extrovert world, overwhelmed by the mandatory social events, but I was hustling. Pushing every aspect of life to the max. I never once considered that I was ‘masking’. I was just working damn hard.
When the mask slips
Fast forward to marriage and babies, and that’s when the mask began to slip. On the outside, I was high functioning, on the inside, I felt like I was throwing plates in the air and waiting for them to crash to the floor. Joining the world of freelancing removed the routine, which, in hindsight, was keeping things somewhat regulated. Funnily enough, within weeks, I was rekindling my toxic relationship with the all-nighter. In many ways, I found comfort in those quiet hours. My brain seemed to quiet, while my fingers danced across my keyboard into the small hours. I assumed I had nailed it all. The lack of sleep and forgetting to eat would suggest I had not.
For many women, ADHD hyperactivity is internal. So, the woman who looks like she has it all together is the same woman whose brain never fully switches off.
According to ADHD UK, there are an estimated 3 million people in the UK with ADHD. Many of those, like myself, weren’t diagnosed until their 30s, 40s or later, often after decades of being told they were ‘lazy’, ‘depressed’, or ‘disorganised’. In fact, people with ADHD are highly driven. The horrible paradox of ADHD is having a mind brimming with ideas and relentless ambition, yet being physically unable to start the smallest task in front of you. This isn’t laziness. It’s not even procrastination. You know exactly what needs to happen, yet your brain refuses to connect with your body. It’s having a deadline tomorrow, caring deeply, and still cleaning, scrolling or organising your bathroom cupboards.
What Gracie has taught me
For my daughter and many others, finally being seen and understood is revolutionary. Learning and working with the brain, not against it, is, without a doubt, a step towards getting the best out of everyone. As for Gracie, she will continue to keep me on my toes, but I’ll never stop learning from her. She’s taught me more about myself than any algorithm could. ADHD is so much more than a hashtag, and watching her navigate it with the language and confidence I never had is the most unexpected joy.
Breaking free from the shame
For myself and those who wonder, but deep down already know, it’s a chance to break free from the shackles of shame. The missed appointments, the unreturned shop items, the 2,000 unread emails, I hear you. If any of this sounds familiar, ADHD UK is a good place to start — no waitlist required — with plenty of info to happily distract you from decluttering your office. You can be brilliant, driven, and capable of incredible things when the dopamine finally hits and still spend three hours unable to send one email. Both can be true. And that’s ok. Can someone tell my boss that, too?
