BREAKING: The Vaccine's ON! What Happens Next?

FINALLY! We’ve some massive news about the vaccines. Not the indie rock band. As of this morning the UK regulator has approved the Pfizer/BioNTech coronavirus vaccine for use in the UK. And in a massive call-to-arms, the NHS will now start rolling out mass inoculations next week!

This is massive news, the news we’ve all been longing for ever since Boris went on the telly back in March and ordered us to go back to our rooms and not come down until the government says its safe. But it’s also not soon enough to save us from the second wave currently upon us. Here’s what’s what…

First things first, does the vaccine work?

Yep, basically. Initial data looks like it’s 95% effective, which is really good indeed. That’s more than enough to stop the virus spread dead in its tracks.

It’s basically the plot of every low-rent apocalypse movie…

And will it turn me into a zombie?

Ummm, so it’s basically the plot of every low-rent apocalypse movie, where a vaccine is hastily rolled out and everyone turns into zombies, I get it, but no. But medical experts are pretty sure that this particular vaccine is unlikely to turn us into zombies.

So no side effects?

Firstly, most medication has some kind of side affect, that’s a given. But studies (and it’s been injected into over 30,000 people and counting) show that there are no major side effects, zombie or otherwise.

And in any case, a common side effect of coronavirus is ten days on a ventilator and possible death, so by comparison…

Great sign me up!

How old are you?

Umm, under 85…

Back of the queue… The roll out will now start and the government have already revealed who will be prioritised in order of need.

According to the Joint Committee for Vaccination and Immunisation this will start with those aged over 85 and in care homes (and care home workers) followed by NHS workers and progressively younger cohorts until everyone over 50 (and those with medical issues) is immunised. Then it’s the rest of us.

And will that be an easy job?

Nope. Probably one of the biggest logistical challenges since D-Day. The government has appointed business minister and former pollster Nadhim Zahawi as minister for vaccine rollout, but he’s got a tough job ahead of him.

The Pfizer vaccine, for example, must be stored at temps below -70 degrees, which makes moving it about and getting it into people’s arms something of a challenge. Plus all the vaccines require two jabs, an initial one and a booster a few weeks later.

And then there’s just the nightmare of getting 70 million people in for vaccines TWICE, which is going to be a massive challenge.

What about the other vaccines?

That’s also looking like good news. There are two more vaccines currently being checked out by the UK regulator, one by Moderna and the other by Oxford University with AstraZeneca and it looks likely they’ll get the thumbs-up equally swiftly. Which will mean that we have plenty of options.

And are they better?

Laying a little confusion about how effective the Oxford vaccine is after a blunder accidentally took efficacy to over 90% from 70%, they are all much of a muchness. What might given the Oxford vaccine the edge is that it can be stored in a normal fridge. Plus, it’s the one that we’ve ordered the most of!

It’s a credit to Johnson, Hancock, Rishi and the rest of the clown car that Britain is the very first country to get and inject a coronavirus vaccine…

How many vaccines have we ordered?

We’ve grown used to hearing the myriad ways this government have been sub-optimal in their handling of the coronavirus response, but it’s a credit to Johnson, Hancock, Rishi and the rest of the clown car that Britain is the very first country to get and inject a coronavirus vaccine.

Quick off the mark and supporting our home grown vaccines, Boris and co have also ensured that the UK has ‘baggsed’ 100 million doses of the Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine, 40 million doses of the vaccine from Pfizer and BioNTech and five million doses from Moderna. Which gives us more than enough for the whole population and then some.