Licence To Netflix And Chill: Our Picks For The Next Bond
Idris Elba is once again being talked up as the next James Bond. In the course of some deep-research into the dashing wannabe MI6 officer’s abs from the girls in the office, we got wondering: who should the next Bond be? Here are our runners and riders, from Danny Dyer to Tan off of Queer Eye; ‘The name’s Bond, James Bond, licensed to [delete as appropriate] a. beat your nut to a pulp, you slag’ or b. ‘select this fabulous patterned collared shirt’.
Account Manager Charlotte honed in on the bookie’s favourite Bond, then the bookie’s favourite Love Islander’s dad. I’d personally pay to see Danny Dyer in anything; here he is reading haikus.
Idris Elba
My first choice is a point of contention in the office but I feel very strongly that Idris Elba is clearly the strongest candidate for James Bond #dontfightmeonthis. He epitomises London cool, has proven his skills as an action man as shown in his previous film performances, and is obviously a ladies’ man. More than just a character, I think James Bond is the representation of a suave, cool, edgy man – all of which is encapsulated by one I Elba. And if we’re going to get political for all the rigid James Bond fans who don’t like change – if we can have a blonde Bond, we can have a black Bond.
Danny Dyer
I mean, it’s the role he was born to play. How hilarious would it be to see East End golden boy, Danny Dyer, speaking to Q (played by national treasure Judi Dench) in his cockney drawl? “Alrite darlin’, whose head am I kicking in today?” Let’s not overlook the fact that Mr Dyer is actually a stone-cold fox too: Dapper Dyer. Plus, he couldn’t be more English if he tried; not the typical English gent we may be accustomed to as James Bond but certainly the James Bond we need. #timeforfchange
Meantime, Editorial Assistant Lottie has the hots for Hardy. And it’s not just the Kray-a-like catching her eye, she’d happily turn Irishman Michael Fassbender into FassBonder.
Tom Hardy
Ok, so granted I might be being biased here because I have been fan-girling over Tom Hardy since day dot. However, I do have strong argument behind my feeling that he should be the next 007. First of all, look how smashing he looks in a suit circa Legend. Whether it’s Ronnie or Reggie, he wears that pinstripe like an Adonis. Secondly, we all know James Bond has a sexy, sumptuous British accent, and guess who else does? Yep, Tom Hardy, that’s right. Take This Means War, where he goes against Chris Pine to win the heart of Reese Witherspoon… that British accent, phwoar. He also handles a gun pretty well in that film, and he’s a hit with the ladies. Bond girl bonus. He’s also a dab hand at survival, as seen in The Revenant. But my main reason? He’s darn good looking and if his spy skills don’t drag in a whole bunch of new 007 loves, his sexy skills sure will. Ok, I’ll stop now…
Michael FassbenderIn all honesty, I’m so team Tom for the next JB. However, Michael Fassbender is equally as sexy, and one only needs to take a look at the above to see he pulls off a suit mighty well… need I even write more? He has the accent, (Jane Eyre), he’s also a smash hit with the ladies, Alicia Vikander you lucky gal, and in Shame he’s the sneakiest snake going, proving he can be promiscuous and aloof, great spy traits. He may have said to GQ mag in 2016 that, “I will never be James Bond”, but I’m just going to bypass that comment and skip straight to the sexy British accent and fact that he should be part.
Deputy Editor Phil strayed a little further from the reservation with his picks for a replacement Bond, opting for an older or a gayer 007: Barbara Broccoli take note…
Hugh Laurie
Roger Moore was pure class, proving that you can still pull hot twenty-somethings well into your sixth decade if you’re a smooth talking ’80s lothario. And if Moore proved that it’s possible to walk the 007 role with talent limited to an ability to raise his left eyebrow, Hugh Laurie, AKA the most talented man on the planet, is surely a shoe-in. The slightly-older actor has it all: comedy? Tick, only glance at his Bertie Wooster, any number of A Bit of Fry and Laurie sketches (especially this one) or Blackadder. Gritty? Easy, Dr House was a far more complex character than even a Daniel Craig Bond blubbing in the shower. And as for that streak of malevolence required of a trained killer, Laurie’s Richard Onslow Roper character threw so many shades of shade that even E L James might well blush. It’s time to return to an older Bond, and Laurie’s the man for the role.
Tan France (off of Queer Eye)
Well, Hugh Laurie or Tan, that is. If you’re not a Queer Eye fan then get off The Handbook and straight to Netflix, it’s great. And none more so than British fashion guru Tan France. If we’re championing Idris Elba as Bond because it’s ‘time for a non-white Bond’, then Tan not only passes this diversity test, but he’s also gay to-boot. But, most importantly, he’s incredibly cool and always knows exactly what to whip out in an emergency (albeit generally it’s more likely to be a patterned collared shirt than a pair of X-ray glasses or an electromagnetic watch). Like Bond he’s always impeccably dressed, we’re sure he’s been working out and although he might not be too successful with the ladies, Bond villains have always been tempered with a pretty healthy dose of homoeroticism so who better to seduce and then kill Dr No than Tan off of Queer Eye? Let’s make this happen, it’s the end of the road for Pussy Galore.
