The Handbook
The Handbook

It’s finally here. After all the inedible brownies, sponge busts of celebrities, fantastical jelly art, Paul Hollywood handshakes, overly cheery Japanese jiggly cakes… the list goes on… we’re ready to find out who is going to be crowned the next Nadiya Hussain. Let’s be honest, we all know it’s going to be Peter.

Expect the heat in the tent to notch up a few degrees, not just because of the stress of it all, but also because of a badly timed heatwave, which then turns into a thunderstorm just in time for the showstopper grand finale. There’ll be a set-custard signature, a choccy-nut technical and an impressive dessert tower showstopper. While some of us are still mourning the loss of the witty and glamorous Lottie, we can’t wait to see who will raise the trophy (normally some tacky glass cake stand).

Everyone has their favourite, but here are our predictions.

Obviously, Peter is going to win. He just is isn’t he? This badminton-playing cheese-hating wannabe accountant has definitely been a Steady Eddie when it comes to perfecting a bake. We imagine he enjoys most of his days outside the tent, not chilling with friends, but spending quality time with a spatula and cake tin in the kitchen. Bless.

His only wobble was about two episodes ago when he lost his cool over some cheesecakes in Dessert Week. We thought he might start banging his head against the Magimix, but he kept himself together and sailed on through to the final. Ever calm and collected, his ruthless competitiveness saw Noel Fielding dub him the “baby-faced assassin”.

Peter will be a deserving GBBO winner and the youngest at just 20. He’ll probably cry. Be proud of those tears Peter, be proud.

He maintained a calm, if not slightly furious, dignity when Sura knocked over his cakes in episode 1.

Then there’s Dave. Dave is one of those silent bakers, who seems to have retained his standing in the final through a calm, slightly unexciting, reliability. He has few quips to offer the camera, but he does have a magical shoulder wiggle. If you didn’t notice it before, you’ll notice it all the time now. You’re welcome. Like a happy little puppy waggling his tail.

But there’s something about Dave that’s not going to push him over the line. While he maintained a calm, if not slightly furious, dignity when Sura knocked over his cakes in episode 1, he’s just no Peter.

Dave has already revealed that he’s excited to get back to his security job, so we feel his heart’s not in it. You need to be thinking world domination by patisserie at this stage, Dave.

And then there’s the lovely Laura. She suffered a horrid backlash last week, when an army of trolls took to social media to lambast Prue and Paul’s decision to keep her in the for the final instead of Hermin. Firstly, get a life social media trolls. Secondly, Paul posted on Insta: “Remember Prue and I can actually smell and eat the bakes”. Thirdly, how could you not love Laura!?

Admittedly, her worktops are always an explosion of melted chocolate, batter, and grease. And she does have a tendency to finish her bakes a little haphazardly (i.e. with no professional finesse). However, she gets her flavours right, and she’s always sad when someone leaves the show, which definitely makes her a good person. We didn’t see Dave or Peter cry when Lottie left the show. (Did we mention that we miss Lottie?)

So while we love Laura, we don’t think she’s got the meticulous assassin-like ruthlessness of Peter to see it through.

Whatever the outcome, we just know we’re going to miss Prue’s fantastically bright spectacle collection (have you seen her recent Insta post? She is the ultimate style icon), Noel and Matt’s surreal wooden spoon jokes, and Paul’s ever-dubious fake tan.

Thank you GBBO, it’s been another stonker, and certainly helped us through another lockdown.

Tune in tonight at 8pm on Channel 4. We’ll see you there with a cup of tea and a slice of carrot cake.

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